“Love as I have loved.” - Part II

Most of us don’t lay all our cards on the table, even with family and friends. We tend to hide our true feelings and deal superficially with certain people to protect ourselves or avoid trouble. But ex-offenders like Glenn Zhang have a different posture－they are open about their lives and vulnerabilities.  “I was such a rotten apple, but God has shown me grace.”

Private Pain

Towards his parents, Glenn has a deep sense of remorse. He cannot forget how much they have suffered because of him. He still remembers how his mother had to fend off the loan sharks for the debts he owed while he hid in the toilet taking drugs.

Glenn had a difficult childhood. Unknown to his parents, he was constantly ridiculed by schoolmates and neighbours for having a crooked mouth due to a birth defect. He said, “At that time, I just wanted to protect myself from such humiliation.” Joining a street gang at age 14 and having his whole body covered with tattoos by the time he was 17 was his way of boosting his self-esteem and sense of security.

“When I am in school, I am no one. But with them, I am someone,” he thought.

But becoming that someone cost him everything he had. He was not only involved in all kinds of illegal activities, but he also got addicted to gambling and drugs.

“I became someone with no dignity and no character,” he said, “My life really had no meaning. All I could think of when I woke up every morning was to take drugs and find money to buy drugs or pay debts.”

Every day, different loan sharks would come harassing him for payment, such that whenever his mother heard footsteps outside the door, she would be very scared. The loan sharks have also splashed paint all over his door, and even his neighbour’s door! Eventually, his mother took out all her life savings to clear his debts once and for all, but barely two weeks after that, he went to borrow money again.

Utterly disappointed with him, his father threw him out of the house. He was left to wander the streets and sleep at parks or playgrounds, where he lived in constant fear of being nabbed by the police. 

It came to a point where he was so desperate, Glenn wanted to end his life. He went up to the highest floor of an HDB flat in Toa Payoh and almost jumped. Thankfully, he did not do so, as he was seized with fear at the critical moment.

However, he got caught again for taking drugs and was sentenced to jail for 18 months. That was the fourth and last time he was put in prison.

Through it all, his mother never gave up on him. She said, “Whenever he is in prison, no matter which prison he was sent to, I resolve that I would keep visiting him;” and she did.

The scene of his elderly mother crying and pleading with him is imprinted in his mind. “Every time my mother came and saw me, she would cry. She would ask me, ‘Child, when are you going to change? I don’t know how long more I can come to see you like this.’ “

Glenn said, “Every time I saw her during those visits, I would shed tears. I was very sad for my mother, that she had to suffer in this way. I would tell her, this time I was going to change. But I couldn’t understand why as soon as I stepped out of that visitation room, I would be back to my old self.” It was as if his mind was corrupted, and he just couldn’t think rightly or take seriously the desire to change.

Building bonds

 By God’s grace, Glenn did turn around eventually. While serving the last six months of his sentence at The Helping Hand, he was gradually transformed by the Christian teaching and fellowship he enjoyed there. He came to realise that he had sinned against God and that he could be saved from God’s wrath through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He saw hope in starting afresh as Jesus’ blood had washed away his sins.

Glenn had a very fulfilling time at The Helping Hand and so extended his stay year after year. In a blink of an eye, five years passed and he grew from being a recipient of help to a giver of help: a co-worker, someone responsible for leading others.

He said, “I like the environment － living together with the brothers there and having a clean life. Every day I was very sober, and there were lots of laughter and encouraging words. I felt that I belonged here and I was one of them, walking together hand in hand.”

His time there shaped his values and character and taught him life-skills. Glenn’s first job with The Helping Hand was as a house mover, where he earned $250 a month, out of which he gave $50 to his mother. For the first time in his life, he was earning an honest keep and contributing to the family. That was very meaningful to him.

After about his change, his father relented and allowed him to return home. “Actually, my father loves me best, but I’ve hurt him the most,” said Glenn. As he made special effort to spend more time with his parents, they grew closer and more comfortable in showing their affection for one another. He not only gained his father’s forgiveness finally, but also his understanding and support.

Courage and commitment

Glenn was a delinquent for more than 10 years, but since his last imprisonment 16 years ago, he has lived a drug-free and crime-free life. At 42 years old, he has matured considerably to become a pillar of support to his parents in their old age.

Nearing the end of his life, Glenn’s father was diagnosed with dementia and was bedridden. At that time, he could not verbalise his thoughts and feelings, needing a lot of care. Glenn and his siblings would rally around their mother to support her. Though he had moved out a few years back, he bought a flat near his parents’ house just so that he could look after both families. He would be there for his parents whenever they needed assistance or company, such as taking his father for his medical appointments or just sitting by his side to talk to him and tell him jokes. In 2022, Glenn’s dad passed way.

“It is not easy taking care of my dad, but I’m grateful that since I turned back, I have learnt how to love my family,” said Glenn.

Having grown up in a traditional Asian family, he has come a long way in breaking the ice and plucking up the courage to show affection towards his loved ones through words of assurance and affirmation, hugs and kisses.

That is how he also conducts himself with his wife, Zi Hui, and his three children, who are six years old, four years old and five months old respectively. He said, “I won’t “package myself” in front of them. I will open my heart and be honest with them.” He has even brought his sons to visit the halfway house and told them about his past and his faith. Learning from his own childhood struggles, he said, “Now I know how to take care of my children’s hearts.”

Glenn constantly shares with prison inmates that in the first half of his life, he didn’t even dare to think of having a roof over his head, let alone a wife and children and a new life. It was God’s grace and unfailing love that made it all possible. 

Indeed, in all things we are more than conquerers through Him who loves us. (Romans 8:37) Praise be to God!

Read Part I here!